Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
