i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He kissed a someone with a penis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
