She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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