we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
