forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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