who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
