i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
