Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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