we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
