I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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