i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
