absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
