I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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