In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
