we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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