pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
