Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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