Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
