That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
