I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
