Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
