I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
40s are totally the cure
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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