Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
