Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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