I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
