you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
