i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
