I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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