I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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