and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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