Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
