Dual....:-)
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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