Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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