My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck me I smell like cheese
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
