I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
