I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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