Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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