Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
smell my finger.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
