just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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