Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
