So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
