I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
