Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
