Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
