I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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