This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she told me i tasted like america
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
