Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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