I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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