escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
