No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
