Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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