I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
