I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
